I deliberated on Sunday night for quite some time as I tried to decide what to wear the first few days of the week (while the belly was still in hiding). I started shopping for maternity clothes at about 14-15 weeks and started wearing them at 15 weeks. So I asked myself if I had any NON-maternity outfits to subtly hide out in. This is what I came up with ... here are two outfits I put together for Monday and Tuesday of this week, as I stayed covert about my status:
I think I did a pretty good job if I do say so myself!
To compare ... here are some pictures of what I actually look like this week in maternity clothes:And so, yesterday was the big reveal. To maintain discretion, I wore maternity clothes under a jacket until it was time for the 3PM meeting in which I could announce. At about 2PM I called Berilac and I was scared. I had no idea what to expect. I was excited to be able to finally have the day that I'd been looking forward to for so long and I was scared that I'd be exposing myself without any guarantee of pregnancy success. I took a few deep breathes and charged on. At 2:50PM I maneuvered my discreetly covered up cupcakes to the kitchen in preparation. I cutely arranged 21 cupcakes upon a round silver platter. These too were adorable:
I laid the platter in the center of the large conference room table and awaited the 10 people that would soon come. I took off my jacket and rubbed my belly - taking deep breaths the whole time.
I thought the experience would be different. I imagined people floating in one at a time, making wise cracks about the tray of goodies, asking "who's pregnant?" and landing their eyes on me. To be honest with you, the reason I liked the idea of bringing cupcakes (and the reason I've done it twice) is not because I'm some sort of Mar.tha Ste.wart baker, it's because I'd prefer to let the cupcakes do the talking ... that way I get the opportunity to not have to completely engage about a discussion about my pregnancy. It's conflicting ... there's part of me that has been very excited for this day to come and there's part of me that is terrified about inviting THE WORLD in.
When people actually did enter the room, they made no comments (funny or otherwise) about the baked goods, instead they quietly waited for the room to fill. When most people arrived my grand boss closed the door and started the meeting: "Today's meeting will start with announcements ... Polly?" So there I was, on the spot, all eyes on me. Now, don't get me wrong ... I LOVE attention, my nickname in school was COA: Center of Attention. I'm not afraid of a microphone or a video camera ... I LOVE public speaking. But there I was, sweating in the moment. "Well everyone, I brought some cupcakes for you ... and if you can't tell by the color scheme what they represent, then you are dumber than a bag of hammers ..." (ok, I didn't exactly say that - but I was close) "I am pregnant and expecting on Christmas Day" as I broke eye contact with everyone and tried to divert attention by passing around the serving tray ... cheering and clapping broke out, along with a few "Congratulations!!" The best part was when the first person to receive the cupcake tray asked if she was supposed to pick a cupcake based on what gender she thought the baby would be (this is what I was hoping for and it was nice that someone else brought it up!) and so behind her everyone chose according to their prediction. (They voted GIRL by way of remaining blue cupcakes!) I think the worst part of it all, was when my grand boss moved on from our announcement and started talking about REAL work topics ... then I suddenly realized I'd have to sit for 50 more minutes processing this experience silently in my head ... ARRGH!!!
When the meeting broke, the comments that followed were nice - many people individually congratulated me and wished me well. My office mate seemed a little surprised that I hadn't told him the news, so I tried to explain that handing out cupcakes WAS my way of telling him. Only one person indicated that they had their suspicions that I was pregnant - I guess when I was sitting at my desk one day I was unknowingly rubbing my belly "like pregnant women do".
After the meeting I took the remaining cupcakes around to other colleagues - especially the ones that have known since week 13 1/2 and have been keeping their traps shut! And although nobody that I announced to today has any idea of our history ... I didn't feel as isolated or alone as I would have felt on any given day during my infertility experiences. I felt normal, like a "normal" pregnant woman ... and that, that was nice.
So there you have it, we are out of the closet for those that are on my work team. This afternoon, I announce to another department in my organization to which I used to belong. Then, I will make the dreaded FB status update. We're going all out, for all the world to see.