Today is a big day. And comically enough, I almost accidentally made yesterday the big day. There I was in my dining room, tummy swabbed, Ganirelix pre-filled syringe all cocked and ready to plunge when I thought ... now how much of this am I supposed to take? Turns out I'm supposed to take the whole thing ... but not until TONIGHT!! Dur!!
Happy St. Paddy's day folks! Too bad I'm not Irish (Polly McGamwich :-) and can claim the luck O'the Irish!!!
So, I finished my antibiotics. At CCRM I am doing the EPP/Antagonist protocol (the Antagonist protocol with estrogen priming during the previous luteal phase). I started estrodiol pills 2x daily yesterday and I will take those until AF. I have been taking prometrium 2x daily since ovulation to keep AF at bay. Last night was my last dose, so AF should arrive on Friday. Once AF arrives on Friday, I go in for my local monitoring (baseline ultrasound) on Saturday. Tonight I start 1 of 3 nightly Ganirelix shots. When AF arrives - that sets the cycle dates and I can buy our plane tickets. If all goes according to schedule, I start stims on Sunday morning.
Unfortunately, Berilac can't join me in Denver the whole time from 3/26 to 4/5. So I've asked one of my parents to come. My mom will be joining me from 3/26 to 3/31. And Berilac will fly in the night before ER (likely 4/1). I am SOOOO incredibly grateful to Daisy's parents who are graciously and generously putting the three of us up from 3/26 to 4/3ish. Then we will spend the weekend of 4/4-4/5 with Berilac's aunt!
As I mentioned in my last post - the plan for this cycle is to do the stimulation and retrieval and wait 6-8 weeks for genetic test results on the eggs. However, I have asked CCRM that if we only get 6 or fewer mature eggs at ER, can we convert to a fresh cycle? My thinking was that if we get 6 or fewer "testable" eggs then the numbers are so small it's not worth going to genetic testing. We would be lucky if 6 mature eggs yielded a 75-80% fertilization rate (4-5 embryos) and we would be lucky to expect a 50% blastocyst growth rate - so only 2-3 would make it to day 5. I am comfortable transferring 2-3 blasts (and I think it would be highly unlikely to GET 2-3 blasts from 6 eggs) ... but I know for certain I would feel regretful (as I did with the monkey clinic) ... if we could assume at least 1 egg was normal from a handful of eggs retrieved and rather than fertilizing the few we have, to lose all of them because of a sensitive testing and freezing process ... would again be so devastating. If I had more eggs to work with, it wouldn't be so scary.
So if CCRM is in agreement, there is a chance this could turn into a fresh cycle. And if that is the case, I would pray for a 5 day transfer and return home around 4/9 ish rather than 4/5. So really, if CCRM is ok with this plan, then I'm in a win-win situation! Here's hoping they can accommodate me.
I feel so informative in these last couple of posts, so lack luster. Honestly, I am excited to be going to CCRM now, getting my monetary savings, getting CCRM behind me sooner rather than later. I know that CCRM is an amazing clinic - and likely one of the very best, but I'm not thinking that this is our meal ticket. I'm just going through the motions, glad to be moving forward. I'm a little indifferent about the outcome, I'm just grateful that I have this opportunity. I guess a good phrase for my current situation is comfortably numb. I'm not doomsday and dark about the experience, I'm not scared. I'm just doing the next right thing. I am hopeful that we can do a fresh cycle, so we can go to transfer and leave Colorado ... not having to come back. I want CCRM behind me. Is that strange?
There were SO MANY expectations on my transfer in January. I guess that's what you get when you look forward to something and build it up for a year. In retrospect, I wouldn't have set myself up like that! (Heck, maybe that's why I'm numb going into this?) I would have had lower expectations. It's a safety mechanism I guess.
All said, I've got a lot of peace right now. I have been avoiding blogging and obsessive message board activity because life has been more interesting. I have spent the last couple of months enjoying my work, getting into a couple of good TV series on DVD, and just enjoying life. Friends have even mentioned a change in my demeanor. So I guess all the wound licking and catching my breath has served me well. I am grateful to God for this respite and I look forward to seeing what He does in the upcoming ... weeks, months, and years.
As for now ... let's get this party started!!
Done, and Yet, Not Done
6 months ago