Monday, October 12, 2009

Lift a glass ...

Today marks 8 years of marriage.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this previously, but Berilac and I have not had an easy marriage - by any means. We call our first year of marriage "the meat grinder year" because there was so much difficult change going on that year. Then our second year was deemed "Berilac's take-it-in-the-chin year" ... it was appropriate for the emotional beating I was giving him and no, I'm not exaggerating.

In those early years we fought against our new identities, we fought against selfishness, we fought against insecurities, we learned of many more of our own weaknesses - and the reality of that was so very intense. The best news is ... is that we surrendered that all back to God and asked Him for His blessing, wisdom, and direction in each area ... and over the years each of these areas has gotten better and better. Because we had so many struggles, we were able to learn how to become a team and face these problems together. I believe that it was because of these issues and the tools we learned to overcome them ... that going through the years of infertility and loss brought us closer together, rather than driving us further a part. I definitely mourn over the loss and heartache from these past three years, but I also cherish these years as an opportunity God took in breaking us down even more - drawing us closer to each other and closer to Him.

For the past three years - every holiday, every milestone was just another reminder of what we don't have, rather than what we do. Today is a milestone. A milestone very different than the milestones we've hit over the past 3 years. Today, I am so grateful to be passing this milestone with little baby Gamwich in my belly. No, we are not holding baby Gamwich in our arms, and no I'm not 100% certain that there will be a live healthy baby to take home come Christmas ... but I do have more hope than I used to have ... that it will happen ... more hope then I've ever had ... some would think this is a slam dunk - 29 1/2 weeks pregnant, all tests look good, everything progressing successfully equals live healthy baby ... but I will tell you that each day I still have to choose hope.

Although we celebrate 8 years of ups and downs, we also celebrate that today wasn't another reminder of how we don't yet have children. I think of the ladies that are still waiting and my heart breaks for them and my eyes well up with tears. I am saddened by their losses, I am brokenhearted with them. I think of how this milestone would have been like that had this little baby not been conceived and thriving in my belly.

I am celebrating 8 years, I am celebrating emotional growth and intimacy, I am immensely grateful to be celebrating today, and I'm rejoicing in a new life.

A toast ... to real life.


  1. Polly, a huge congratulations on 8 years of marriage. You both make a beautiful couple and you're just gorgeous with that baby bump!

    Hey, thanks for stopping by and giving me the info. on the MTHFR. I have no idea which kind I have and I don't even think CCRM has indicated testing me more on that front. Rather, to check my homocysteine levels (whatever that is).

    My nurse called in a script of Folgard or something to the pharmacy and I don't know if they'll add Lovenox for the FET cycle.

    I just feel really glad to KNOW, you know? :) So much is really just out of our hands that when I'm given a chance to have a bit more control, I grab it.

    You're in the home stretch now girlie - so just keep smiling!

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  3. Happy Anniversary, girl!!! So much to celebrate this year. :)

  4. Happy anniversary Polly! I'm so glad that you are able to celebrate without that nagging feeling that something is missing. What a wonderful thing.

  5. Happy Anniversary! That was a very beautiful post. I'm so glad things are going so well...and I know what you mean that you won't relax until the baby is born healthy and you are holding him or her in your arms. I thought I'd be so much more relaxed about this by now! You guys are a beautiful couple:-)

  6. Happy Anniversary Polly! I am glad everything is going well... I am so excited for you guys! BTW, you guys look great together!

  7. Happy Anniversary, Polly and Berilac! Love the picture of the two of you. Our anniversary is this Friday, so not too far apart from yours!

  8. Polly--Congrats on 8 years!
    We celebrated our 15th recently and I am so glad you are able to celebrate this one differently, and I'm so hoping to follow in your footsteps soon...
    You guys look so cute in the picture!

  9. Congrats on 8 years! I know it wasn't an easy road, but I'm so glad you are here now! Wishing you 75 more years of pure bliss! :)

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  11. Happy anniversary! What a fantastic year. I have a little package ready to send out to you for your little one, now lets just see if I can make it to the post office. ;-)

  12. I have been reading but negligent on posting due to being so busy - but I wanted to congratulate you (belatedly) on 8 years of marriage!