Lift a glass ...

Today marks 8 years of marriage.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this previously, but Berilac and I have not had an easy marriage - by any means. We call our first year of marriage "the meat grinder year" because there was so much difficult change going on that year. Then our second year was deemed "Berilac's take-it-in-the-chin year" ... it was appropriate for the emotional beating I was giving him and no, I'm not exaggerating.

In those early years we fought against our new identities, we fought against selfishness, we fought against insecurities, we learned of many more of our own weaknesses - and the reality of that was so very intense. The best news is ... is that we surrendered that all back to God and asked Him for His blessing, wisdom, and direction in each area ... and over the years each of these areas has gotten better and better. Because we had so many struggles, we were able to learn how to become a team and face these problems together. I believe that it was because of these issues and the tools we learned to overcome them ... that going through the years of infertility and loss brought us closer together, rather than driving us further a part. I definitely mourn over the loss and heartache from these past three years, but I also cherish these years as an opportunity God took in breaking us down even more - drawing us closer to each other and closer to Him.

For the past three years - every holiday, every milestone was just another reminder of what we don't have, rather than what we do. Today is a milestone. A milestone very different than the milestones we've hit over the past 3 years. Today, I am so grateful to be passing this milestone with little baby Gamwich in my belly. No, we are not holding baby Gamwich in our arms, and no I'm not 100% certain that there will be a live healthy baby to take home come Christmas ... but I do have more hope than I used to have ... that it will happen ... more hope then I've ever had ... some would think this is a slam dunk - 29 1/2 weeks pregnant, all tests look good, everything progressing successfully equals live healthy baby ... but I will tell you that each day I still have to choose hope.

Although we celebrate 8 years of ups and downs, we also celebrate that today wasn't another reminder of how we don't yet have children. I think of the ladies that are still waiting and my heart breaks for them and my eyes well up with tears. I am saddened by their losses, I am brokenhearted with them. I think of how this milestone would have been like that had this little baby not been conceived and thriving in my belly.

I am celebrating 8 years, I am celebrating emotional growth and intimacy, I am immensely grateful to be celebrating today, and I'm rejoicing in a new life.

A toast ... to real life.