Thursday, October 3, 2019

An update, just cause...

I didn't have my tummy tuck in 2016. Instead, I waited. I think I'll have it in the summer of 2020. Too much was going on in my marriage in 2016, emotionally, to go through with such a permanent major surgery. Surprisingly, in August of 2018, at the age of 41 I found myself pregnant once more. I've always wanted 4 children. Mormon upbringing and all ;)

But like so many others, we lost that pregnancy in the early days. I think we made it to 5w. Following that I started to develop realization around the closing window of fertility. And I tried to get Berilac onboard with one more round of fertility treatment. Even with an FSH of 20, the RE was hopeful we could be successful. However, Berilac and I were not on the same page. He was trying to avoid conception, I was wanting it. It was a rough season.

In late October of 2018, my 14 year old niece and her mother contacted me, asking us if we could take in my niece. She and her mom were in rough circumstances, and her dad (my brother) is working on his own issues. We brought my niece into our home last year, and in July of 2019 we became official legal guardians to her. Suddenly we were parents of 4 children and instant parents to a teenager! (where's the holy crap emoji for that?!)

While we have 4 kids now, and I'm incredibly lucky to have even had one. I'd still love one last one! (I know it sounds crazy.) But I also know that I'm 42 now and not really wanting to give birth at 43, which I will turn in May of 2020. Additionally, my own personal summers have started, it's been 2 months since AF visited, and my FSH was 20 in 8/2018. I'm turning a corner, no longer wanting it to happen and looking forward to what it means if those years are behind us.

My youngest is in kindergarten, my middle child is in 2nd grade, and my oldest (biological) is in 5th grade. We are officially parents to school aged children. The focus has shifted, life moves on.

If you are reading this, I hope your fertility journey is fruitful. A wise fertility therapist once told me that with enough resources and determination anyone can have a family - it just might look different than your original plan. Here's to acceptance and gratitude when life turns out differently than you had expected.

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