Monday, March 9, 2009

All systems go ...

I'm sorry I've been so quiet lately. As many of you know, when you get kicked in the gut, you usually stay down for a bit to recover your breath ... looks like it's taken me 6 weeks to catch it.

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Well, if all goes according to plan, I will be cycling in Colorado in less than 3 weeks.

I have hesitated to post any updates as things have been so fluid, not knowing if we were going to head to Colorado this month, next month, or if we'd have to wait until May. If AF stays at bay until 3/20 (I'm on Prog supps, 400mg/day) then all should go smoothly.

I head out to Colorado on 3/26, with an estimated retrieval date of 4/2. I will stay through until 4/5. This cycle will be similar to the last cycle: we will retrieve eggs, biopsy them, vitrify them, send the biopsied portion off to another lab for genetic testing, then in 6-8 weeks when we get the results we will only fertilize the eggs that prove "normal" in genetic competency. It looks like our next attempt at pregnancy will be end of May/beginning of June. You ask why would I attempt again what just resulted in a huge embarrassing failure back in January? Read more to find out ...

Ok, it's been awhile ... let me catch you up:

1. Planned a February injects cycle at local University clinic: The second I found out about our negative beta, I called the local University Clinic and asked them if I could cycle there (if you remember they consulted for me back in October). I knew that CCRM would make me wait until an LH surge, but I knew the University clinic (NOT the monkey clinic) would allow me to do an injects cycle at AF. I could not stand the idea of waiting one more month (when we'd waited nearly 12) to execute our last attempt at pregnancy (we waited from Feb 2008 to Jan 2009 to do an embryo transfer ... the patience that took was outstanding). I even set up a new cycle at the University clinic before doing a cycle post mortem with the monkey clinic or a consult with Dr. Schoolcraft to see what he thought of the whole January fiasco.

2. Had a consult with Dr. Schoolcraft: I scheduled a consult with Dr. Schoolcraft - a cycle review if you will (of a cycle at another clinic! How ballsy was that?) to review what happened during the January cycle. If you remember, we had our three best eggs fertilized with our 3 best sperm and we had two embryos that arrested at 24 hours and the third that was getting a failing grade by day 3. Dr. Schoolcraft basically said - he thinks the January failure was caused by a lab error. He said it did not make sense that a girl who has gotten pregnant four times (note: embryos have gotten to the blast stage in all four natural attempts at pregnancy) should have her best embryos arrest at day 1. Makey-no-sensy. He said that there are many points of breakdown and considering how consistent the results were - he believes that something broke. I asked the big scary question: "will you still cycle me?" he said "absolutely, the January cycle does not detour him in any way, and I shouldn't let it discourage me" ... that's what he said verbatim. It was at that time that I cancelled the aforementioned local University clinic injects cycle and decided to wait until LH surge for a CCRM cycle.

3. Failed cycle "post-mortem" with monkey clinic: So what do you think they blamed the failure of the cycle on? If you said "Polly," you're correct. The bastard blamed it on me. Can you believe this? The afternoon of the first negative pregnancy test I asked how to wean off of the Dexamethazone (as my WBC on my CBC were going up and Dex can cover over an infection). They told me that I couldn't wean and I needed to continue the meds until the second [NEGATIVE] pregnancy test - as it could turn into a positive test ... um, yeah, I'm smarter than that. So I told them that I skipped a dose of Dex between the first and second negative pregnancy tests and they said that we'll never know if that caused the lack of pregnancy. (Meanwhile: they've told me MANY times that they give enough drugs that if a girl accidentally forgets to take 1 of them 1 day - that it won't adversely affect the cycle ... but I guess not in this case). Liars. They had us retake our AMH, as I didn't share with them my CCRM values (they think it's been 3/08: 1.0, 11/08: 4.2). They think that we should do the ridiculous poor responder protocol, which we've failed at twice over now ... unless my AMH stays elevated. Then, in that case, they will reconsider a new plan. Whatev, I'm moving on.

4. Waiting for my LH surge to schedule CCRM trip: So considering that the cycle following a failed FET should be similar to a "normal" cycle, I should have surged on 2/12 and was planning on going to Denver around 3/2. Well, come 3/2, I still hadn't even LH surged (ovulated) ... so I finally did (but that lined up with a schedule in Denver that I couldn't make) so eventually, I asked to be put on Prog supps, which extends out luteal phase - which in turn allowed me to get a CCRM schedule that works for me.

So we're all systems go ... unless we hear from AF.

In my next posts perhaps I'll bring you up to date on the emotional and spiritual aspects of these last 6 weeks ... I'm still catching my breath.

22 comments:

  1. You've been through so much. I'm praying that this upcoming cycle works.

    Praying you catch your breath soon. :)

    ((HUGS))

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  2. Polly, so great to hear from you. I have missed you. I cannot believe that they are blaming that on you. I have a very good feeling about CCRM, so many great stories come out of CCRM and I believe you will be one of them. I think about you often and have been praying for you. I hope you can catch your breath soon and keep us up to speed on the cycle as well as fill us in on the last 6 weeks. I hope you don't mind if I keep following your blog.

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  3. That is super encouraging. I am excited to cheer you on in this upcoming cycle!!

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  4. Forget the monkey clinic. You are moving on to the best, and I hope it will result in your dreams come true. You have been through so much and maintained such grace, you are my hero. {{hugs}}

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  5. I am very excited for you, too. Catch your breath and then on you go! I am very proud of your perseverance.

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  6. So glad to see an update from you! I am so proud of you for getting back on the horse. I know how hard it must be to stare all this in the face again. We're here for you every step of the way.

    I am saying many prayers for you that this upcoming cycle to yield many healthy eggs that will turn into healthy embies/babies! ((HUGS))

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  7. This is a great news! Glad to see you will be cycling very shortly. I can't wait to follow you along. Wishing you the best. You sure have been through so much. I am glad you are with the best clinic.

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  8. I've been thinking about you and wondering if you're doing ok. Breathe in and breathe out cuz I'm here for ya! Your sheer determination always awes me!!!

    ((((hugs))))

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  9. Ah the monkey clinic had sub-monkey wisdom.

    Hoping for good things for you.

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  10. I've been thinking about you a lot lately Polly so I was glad to see your post this morning. I'm so glad that you are able to cycle again soon and I've got my fingers crossed extra hard that AF stays far, far away until you want her to make her appearance. I'm so happy that Dr. Schoolcraft is not discouraged and thinks you shouldn't be too, that is great news! I can't wait to follow along with you!

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  11. I am so excited to hear about your push forward! You were so quiet that I was secretly following you on the boards!!! So happy you will be cycling soon...and with the best lab in the country. I can't wait to follow you through it.

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  12. Hey, I'm still alive.

    So glad to hear from you and your next steps. We almost cycled at the same time! I guess that makes me the first guinea pig for the egg CGH ... but you will be almost right after me... so we can still be waiting-for-egg-CGH-results buddy!

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  13. I'm glad to hear that you're perservering with CCRM. I'll keep a lookout on your progress! Good luck!

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  14. Polly, I'm so fuming mad that they would make you think that by not taking a dose of Dexamethazone AFTER the first negative beta, that it may very well have caused the second negative beta. Yeah, that was BEYOND intellectually insulting.

    Gosh, I feel like everyone I follow goes to CCRM (and I've used no particular CCRM filter for my blog roll). But I'm thrilled you'll be going there.

    I know you'll be in the best hands on U.S. soil, probably the world. So go get that baby cooking!

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  15. Glad to see you back friend.

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  16. Hi Polly, I have been thinking a lot about you and I am really happy to hear that you guys are ready to cycle with CCRM. I am so hoping that this great clinic will bring you your dream as you have been through so much. Hang in there.

    Jill

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  17. That's such BS about the Dexamethazone. As far as I can tell, it's only a CYA drug anyways. When in doubt, blame the patient? Good thing you are moving on. Good luck in CO!

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  18. I've been wondering how you were doing. I can't believe they had the gall to even insinuate it was your fault! WTH!!

    So excited for your upcoming cycle!

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  19. I believe that any time a clinic tells you that it is your fault, it really is them projecting their failure onto you. I'm so glad you're cycling at CCRM next and I hope you get the results you're looking for there. GL with everything!

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  20. Polly girl, I just caught up with you. Yippeeee! You're soon on your way to Denver. I can't wait to hear the great results that WILL come!

    I want to see a new video of you speaking to the congregation where you have tears of joy - you so deserve it! :)

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  21. Polly ~
    I have been a lurker on your blog for quite some time (found through others blogs). I am so sorry for all that you have been through but I am amazed and humbled at your faith during all of this. I am a firm believer that God answers all prayers, only in His time and in His way. Part of faith is to have the patience to trust in this - and it is SO hard.
    You will be blessed, of that I am sure. You are an inspiration to many and I truly hope that CCRM can help you! I was able to conceive after 6 years of INF via a study, but if we would not have been accepted into that study - CCRM was my next stop. ( I live in CO Springs which is about an hour away from Denver). Good luck to you sweetie!
    Sherry

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  22. Thank you for the update Polly! I'v been thinking about you and was wondering where you were in all of the cycle planning....wow, CCRM will be here before you know it! I will be nice to finally have a competent clinic in your corner.

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