Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Holding out hope

When I got the news about the one normal egg - I was numb. At first I was kind of ok with the whole idea of only getting one ... until I told Berilac about the results ... and he was really disappointed. Then I realized that I must have been stupidly naive to be grateful for one egg and I got really scared and anxious. Thanks honey *roll eyes*

In the last few days I've been trying to process it more and I came up with these positive thoughts:
  • It's one more normal egg than I've had in the past!
  • If this had been a "traditional" IVF and we would have fertilized those puppies ... ONE of them could have easily made a normal baby (and I could have had a normal baby in me right now!!)
  • Not ALL of my eggs are bad, despite having four miscarriages ... not ALL of my eggs are broken!
  • We were statistically right on. In the previous trials of this technology the results showed that for FERTILE women (in their 20's no less!) come up with 30% normal eggs for any given IVF cycle. So what is 30% of 5? It's 1.5 ... statistically a FERTILE woman would have had 1.5 normal eggs on this cycle. Well, I came up with: 1 normal egg, 3 abnormal eggs, and 1 "inconclusive" egg (the testing could not be completed due to lack of material so the egg could be normal or abnormal hence the .5!! The Dr and the Embryologist both want to fertilize it and if it makes it to day 5 we'll transfer it.)
So each day I'm getting more and more excited about our one good egg. My hope is that in the next retrieval we have a better protocol and more eggs retrieved but really, I'm just hoping for one more good egg.

Berilac and I have decided that once we get two normal eggs we are going to attempt an embryo transfer, praying that our two eggs survive thaw, get fertilized from Berilac's men, divide normally, and survive nicely to day 5 for a transfer. Yes, I know ... there's a lot of opportunity for failure there but I'm hopeful that if they survive the thaw then they'll make it to my uterus. If we have two normal eggs and one inconclusive, and they all make it to day 5 - we'll transfer all three.

So hopefully we can do an embryo transfer in late October or November. We need to wait this long because we have to wait the 6 weeks to get the egg testing results from the second batch of eggs. Sure, it's not anytime soon, but it's better than NEXT year! Previously we were thinking that we needed to get all the retrievals in before we transfer any embryos ... but really, we're not looking to bank eggs (as the news story would have you believe) we really just want a baby - just one, we're not being greedy. So we will try after two retrievals - and hopefully two normal eggs. If that transfer doesn't work, then we might go back for the third retrieval or we might do traditional IVF (now that we know that I do have normal eggs - it's an option!!) Some of you might be wondering why we just don't do a transfer now with our one good egg. Well, statistically, only one of two eggs should survive the entire process - so we'd rather work with two eggs than one.

Now, what in the heck am I going to do to keep busy while I wait for my next retrieval and my next pregnancy?

Well, we do have more activity in the whole "what the heck is going on in our bodies" front. I am seeing a hematologist for the first time (for my Compound Hetero MTHFR diagnosis) on 6/19. I am going to go through alloimmune testing in mid June. Berilac will be doing sperm testing in July and then I start my next cycle.

I just wanted to keep you all updated on the haps ... maybe the next post will be more interesting with some reflection and thoughts - today, you get the facts. "Just the facts ma'am, just the facts!"


  1. Polly, you always put a positive spin on things that I know are so hard for you. (Hugs) You are absolutely right though. You have a good egg!!

    Your plan sounds great. I know the timeline can suck, but you are keeping active with other aspects while you wait. You are such a do'er. (:

  2. I always LOVE reading your posts cuz you're always try to remain so optimistic and I feel so positive everytime after I read your blog.

    I've been praying for you everyday that this one works for you.


  3. Here from NCLM. You & dh have taken a well thought out approach and I am sending up a prayer for you!

    My mantra during ttc was "it only takes one egg & one sperm" You are on your way. I'll be thinking of you.

  4. You are so far ahead of the rest of the TTC population because you KNOW that you have good eggs in general and at least one proven good egg waiting for you with more to come. Good luck, Sweetie!

  5. Congratulations on your one good egg. It's a great start. You're doing a great job being positive - that will help too.
    Best of luck to you.

  6. I think you are absolutely right to be positive about your one good egg. My husband always says (when I'm down), "Energy flows in the direction of thought."

    Here from NaComLeavMo.

  7. You seem to have great perspective on all this. (And, speaking from experience, perspective is often completely lost while going through the IVF process.)

    I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a successful IVF cycle in the fall!

  8. I'll be praying for you guys' egg. All you need is one egg, and one sperm!

    Here via nclm

  9. October or November should be here before we know it. I'm glad you were able to sort out the positive aspects of your experience. The plan you have laid out for the future makes a lot of sense to me.

    As always, I'll be praying for a positive outcome.

  10. My fingers are crossed for you. I'm about 2 weeks behind you for my IVF cycle.


  11. Like others said, it only takes one. Best wishes for you guys--I hope things turn in your favor.

  12. I will agree - you only need one! NCLM