Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Anti-Ovarian Antibodies and me

So, the doctor confirmed it.

This is likely the cause for my elevated FSH levels, my low AMH, my dwindling AFC ... and ultimately the impending early menopause. It comes as little surprise given that my mother experienced sudden-onset early menopause at age 36. But still it was no less enjoyable to hear the words from my doctor, they go like this:

***

"Hi Polly, it's Dr. Brockenborings, are you in a place where you can talk?"

for those of you that don't know ... when a doctor takes the time to call your cell phone (rather than sending an email or letting one of his clinical staff reach out) it can't be good ... when he asks you to get some privacy ... he's expecting an emotional breakdown.

"Your Anti-Ovarian Antibodies test results are back and they are positive; the levels are quite severe."

translation? I have antigens in my body that are attacking my ovaries. My body is destroying itself, the reproductive part of myself.

"Women who test positive for this are at an increased risk for developing premature ovarian failure"

AKA: what my mom had, what all my hormone level tests have been pointing to for months, the failure of womanhood, my disappointment with myself as a wife, ... the bane of my existence.

"There is no treatment for this"

Why don't cha just kick a girl while she's down? Now you all see why I had a minor freak out about a year ago when I learned that I had elevated FSH and what that meant. It means that I'm on the road to hot flashes, night sweats, and weight gain ... and I'm on the express train!

***

In our phone conversation, he did indicate that they like to treat the patient rather than the test results - so I guess until my body confirms that I'm in menopause, we are going to keep treating me like I'm not ... that is, except for the highly aggressive fertility treatments ;-) But it looks like hormone replacement therapy will be a topic for my thirties, rather than my fifties. I'll be battling the risks of osteoporosis and heart failure with more vigor than my virile reproductive age counterparts. And the obvious, baby making ... it's now or never.

My endocrinologist told me to schedule a follow-up appointment to discuss this. I guess when you have one autoimmune disease (which I already do, I have Hashimoto's Hypothyroidism) my doctor indicated that you're more prone to developing other autoimmune disorders. So I need to know what to look out for.

I knew this was going to happen. It really didn't surprise me at all. I gotta wonder why I couldn't keep it together for the rest of the afternoon at work? All the signs were pointing in this direction, I guess I was just in denial, hoping that maybe the blood tests (all 4 of them) were just coincidentally off base. I guess not.

92 comments:

  1. Oh Polly, I read this with tears in my eyes. I'm so so sorry but I am here, Polly, listening and yes, I do hate one of those calls. I had once like that.

    I'll take that beer you were sharing and we can drink it together?

    HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  2. I am so sorry and hope you are doing ok. News like this is never easy, but you are strong and I know you will be able to move forward to whatever is next.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, Polly! I'm so sorry. I'm praying for you. (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  4. Polly, I am so very sorry. Please stay strong... you're in my prayers and I hope you are holding a baby in your arms very soon. :::hugs:::

    ReplyDelete
  5. You have been so strong throughout everything, and you have taken everything that has been thrown at you with more grace than I would have thought possible. It is so unfair that you have to continue to endure. On the positive side, you have been and you continue to be so proactive. You refuse to sit back and allow each diagnosis put you out of the game. I know you will continue to find the courage to keep on keepin' on. I'm sending you tons of good thoughts and it is my wish for your dreams to come true. Tons of hugs for you, Polly.

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  6. Oh, hun, I am so sorry. It is never easy getting news like this even when sort of expected. I think part of us is always holding on to hope. I will still hope for you that everything you face due to this diagnosis is will be manageable through medicine and through God's healing power and grace.

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  7. Aw, crap, girl! *tears* Not the best news....but, I know the God you serve, and He can do GREAT things. He has a plan (Jer. 29:11) and it will work for good (Rom. 8:28). I'm praying for peace and comfort for you today. Nothing is impossible with God. (Matt. 19:26)

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  8. Oh, Polly, I am so sorry sweetie. Even when we think we know what the news will be we always like to think we will be the one that it doesn't happen to. This is so unfair and I wish I could change it all for you.

    Your battle may be more difficult, but most definitely not impossible to win. You have 1 good egg waiting for you and hopefully many more to come.

    Huge ((hugs)), my friend.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh crap Polly, I'm so sorry. Such nasty news. Even if you see it coming, it still hits like a freight train.

    Thanks for dropping by my blog with the test advice. DH passed his DNA fragmentation with flying colours. I will be having an endometrial biopsy in August, along with as many other far-out-rare-kind-of-things blood tests as possible. I have had millions already, but this dude in Sydney may be able to do more than I can get done in Western Australia. We shall see.

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  10. To say this news sucks doesn't do the fact that you have to live and deal with it ANY justice. I hate, hate, hate it for you. :(

    I'll keep praying that you can find the strength to keep going (I know you have it) and see your dream of motherhood realized soon.

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  11. You are super duper strong and will come through whatever comes next, no doubt. I hope your dream of being a mother comes true really soon. In the meantime know we are all here for you. (((HUGS)))

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  12. Polly - I am so, so sorry. I hope you are doing ok. You are a wonderrful, strong woman and you are going to get through this. I know that. You're in my prayers.
    Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry that you got one of "those" calls from your doc. You've been thrown so many curve balls on this journey. My heart goes out to you and your hubby as you decide your next steps. Get moving on those fertility treatments so that your dreams of becoming a mom become true. Huge hugs to you, my friend!

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  14. Oh, Polly. I am so sorry. You've been in my thoughts lately and I'm just praying that your good news comes soon. :::hugs:::

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  15. Polly, don't panick. My friend suffering from secondary infertility had the same problem but a second check shown that she was fine. She's going through IVF in Thailand now because she wants to be able to choose the gender. don't ask me why choosing gender is so important to her. definitely not important to me. Let the doctor fix it and tell him that you want to have a retest after he treats you. as long as the doctor can identify the problem, it's partly resolved. All the best!

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  16. Polly, You could never be a failure as a woman or a disappointment as my wife. I couldn't be any more in love with you, even if you gave me 100 beautiful healthy children.

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  17. Oh polly (((((HUGS))))) to you my dear friend! I Know those calls all to well.... I have often prayed that the tests would all be wrong. I know this can't be easy, but I do not know any other stronger woman than you, and a more deserving woman to be a mother. I have no doubt that you will be a mom, WE both will be mothers.

    Not sure if you still have my #, if you do, please, please call me anytime you need to. As strong as I know you are, sometimes a little chat helps a little more! Know you and hubby are in my thoughts and prayers! It will happen soon, it will!!!!

    XOXO

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  18. I'm very sorry to hear this news, but I am hopeful for you guys. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and will continue to pursue the dream until it becomes your reality!

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  19. Hey there, it's me Pam from Your Kiss is On My List. I've had to remove the other blog and created a new one.

    Are you doing ok? M here, reading your blog everyday. Miss ya!

    *hugs*

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  20. There are several studies that do indicate success with treatment of Anti Ovarian Antibodies with Steroids.

    Just Google it "Steroids and Antiovarian Antibodies". Look at specifically the Thierry Forges study. The results are encouraging.

    While your doctor my be right in that there is no cure, it is however treatable in the short term. Short enough to get pregnant.

    It is better to know why you have high FSH and low AMH and given all the alternatives this is not such a bad diagnosis since it is potentially treatable.

    EM MD

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  21. I'm so sorry Polly!
    Sending hugs your way.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hoping to see an update, but completely understand if you needed to take a break from all of this. Please take care of yourself!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hi Polly, I've been missing you lots.

    I hope you're doing ok and I totally understand it if you need to get away.

    ((((((hugs))))))

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  24. Just checking in to see if you are ok. I hope you are. Sending thoughts your way.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Hey there,

    I have something for you on my blog:
    http://ttcwithendo.blogspot.com/2008/07/and-award-goes-to.html.

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  26. Erin from MassachusettsAugust 1, 2008 at 12:04 PM

    Thinking of you, Polly.
    You're a fighter.
    Never give up.

    Love, E

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  27. Hey, Polly. How are you doing? We bought a new vacuum cleaner recently and I thought of you and your b-day wish. (:

    I hope to hear something from you soon. I've been thinking of you. (hugs)

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  28. Polly - I've been checking in on your blog, too. I hope you are doing okay. If you're up to it, give us an update at some point.

    Take care (hugs)

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  29. Dear Polly,

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    UB

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