Saturday, April 18, 2009

CCRM: Beta #1

After getting a positive home pregnancy test on Friday morning, Friday night Berilac and I were able to celebrate the success of our cycle. We went out to dinner, we joked that after overcoming such a huge stressor how much more appropriate it would be to toast with glasses of wine rather than water - but we gratefully tilted back our cups in celebration, then we came home and fell asleep watching a movie - like old married people.

I will admit that Friday brought with it a bit of relief that we haven't experienced since January of 2008 ... when you get pregnant (even if it only to miscarry) at least you get an opportunity for the pregnancy to work out. We are grateful for this opportunity, but the label of "habitual aborter" has not left us unscathed.

Over the course of our celebratory evening, we stopped each other as one of us would veer into "what if this one doesn't work," we knew to hug tightly when we saw that look in the other's face that of course was followed by an "I'm scared." We shared many a deep breaths.

We saw pregnant bellies pass by (man, I had no idea Friday nights are a big belly fest at the local Cubian restaurant!) but we did not smile knowingly to one another or brush legs under the dinner table. We stared ... questioning if we would be able to get there someday and we continued with our celebration, regardless of the symbols of things we "kind of" have ... we tried to enjoy the night and for the most part we did.

Back at the ranch (for those of you who don't know we don't actually live in a ranch - hello? we're Californians ... a small, rented duplex on a comparable size property is not even close) ... after falling asleep on the couch to a movie, when we moved to the bed, of course Berilac was out like a light (I've always been envious of how quickly that boy starts lightly snoring once his head hits the pillow) and I lay there listening to his soft breathing, thinking ... hoping ... praying. Trying to imagine what a healthy, successful pregnancy would be like. And I kept coming back to the gravity of the next morning and the infamous first beta ... dum, da dum dah, DUMMMMM! And of course it didn't help that the lab is only open from 8-8:30AM so I'd be rising and shining at 6AM to get my progesterone supp inserted in time to laze around for an hour before racing to the clinic (nothing like the pressure of having a short night of sleep in front of you to "help" you FORCE yourself to sleep!) Somehow I dozed off and I awoke bright and early this morning, ready to challenge my "habitual aborter" title.

Can I just give a shout out to the nurses of CCRM here for just a moment? (I know most of you are only reading this after having scrolled to the bottom to check out the number, so I'll just do what I please) ... those ladies are FANTASTIC! Last night I realized that I only had enough Endometrin to last me through mid-day Sunday, I called the urgent call line at CCRM and they suggested ways we could get me what I needed by Sunday (do I even have to say that they quickly and effectively followed up with those suggestions and I have my Endometrin as we speak?) ... not only that, but somehow I LOST my beta lab slip and only noticed in on Friday night ... THE NIGHT BEFORE THE BETA!!! ... I sent one email to the IVF nurses and by Saturday morning, 8AM, when my local lab opened, my local clinic had received a fax and I was no longer "in a bind" to get my ever-so-important beta. So thank you CCRM nurses!

Anti-climatically, the blood draw story ends here. There was no more excitement to the blood draw, if you're an infertility patient you've been there 100 times before (probably literally) you can just think back to your most uneventful one and that was how exciting it all was.

Directly after the draw, after running many errands, we got on our way to a baby shower of a couple of fellow infertiles from one of my infertility support groups. As we all know showers are essentially ... well, torture (but for any fertiles out there reading this - it does not mean we do not want to be invited - we just want to attend on our terms - you know, if we're not on the verge of emotionally breaking down ... then we come) ... but this shower was different. It was easier for me to connect to because we had scored two points for Team Infertile (it was a double shower of TWO girls in our infertility support group that are quickly approaching their due dates!) so that was the high point. However, Berilac and I knew that we should be getting our results while at the shower (you know, the place you want to get all fragile with a call to your fertility clinic at ... A BABY SHOWER!) And wouldn't you know it, in all of their efficiency CCRM called early in the day and gave us our results while people were still arriving to the shower.

It was aggravating for me that CCRM's original call went straight to voicemail (probably as aggravating as it is for you that this post is running at the mouth like it is ...) so we promptly dialed them back and navigated the clinic's answering service to speak with the nurse. It was so cute when she said "Congratulations, you're pregnant!" and I responded by saying "Yeah?" ... she quickly got the gist and replied "but you already knew that, huh?" She said we had a nice strong beta, and although I hesitated for a just a moment - thinking how wonderfully blissful it would be NOT to know the exact number to obsessively track, measure, and compare, I asked her "what was the HCG level?" and she responded: "108." She also confirmed that my Progesterone level was also "good" but this time I opted not to get the details and just trusted her to do her job (something I completely LOVE about CCRM, you actually CAN trust them).

So that's it folks. 108. A "solid" singleton pregnancy beta level. As a matter of fact, it's nearly the exact average (100) for singleton pregnancies at this stage.

We celebrate this number for today - again, we are pregnant.

But I can't make any guarantees on where my heart and mind (and sleep) will wander off to on Sunday night as we prepare for beta #2.

31 comments:

  1. Congratulations! I hope you have a healthy trouble free 8 months or so!

    xxxx

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  2. CONGRADULATIONS!!!
    I am praying for you :)

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  3. Congratulations...Hoping and Praying that celebration continues...


    All the very best!

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  4. YAY!!! Screaming with joy for you!

    xoxo,
    Pam

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  5. Congrats on a great Beta Polly!! I was so excited to find out what it was, i'm guilty of scrolling straight to the bottom :-) Praying for you!

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  6. Yay! We'll take 108 - can't wait for Beta #2!!

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  7. congratulations, polly! i've been lurking for a while but wanted to come out and say this. wonderful news : )

    Mo

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  8. Congratulations! That is a perfect beta. I can't wait for #2. Hang in there and enjoy.

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  9. Congratulations Polly. Yes, I was a scroller too! That's a great beta and I wish you a happy and uneventful pregnancy. I'm so with you about the CCRM nurses, you're in good hands xxx

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  10. Polly- that is a GREAT beta number! I will be praying for your continued health and pregnancy! I know how scary it is (I am scared just thinking about my upcoming FET and whether or not I actually can carry to term) but enjoy it! Please! First hurdle is cleared (by a nice margin)!

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  11. Congrats on the great beta number! I know all too well how difficult it is to truly celebrate with a history of loss, but every time I try to tell myself that each pregnancy is different. This little one could be the one. Hold onto that hope and keep celebrating each and every baby step. I will be by your side cheering you!! Again CONGRATS!!

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  12. I've had a m/c and I know how cautiously optimistic you feel...happy about the beta number and terrified about the future. I wish that everything continues to double nicely and that you have an uneventful 9 months ahead of you!!!

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  13. Great number, Polly!! All my best for a great doubling number tomorrow!! Congrats!!!

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  14. Of COURSE I scrolled to the bottom of the post. You were getting a little 'wordy';-) 108 is so awesome!

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  15. Congratulations! Praying for continued climbing numbers! You deserve this girlie.....Love nad miss ya!

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  16. Oh, Polly, that is a wonderful beta!! Congratulations!!!! And, no, I didn't scroll down, so, I was dying while reading your whole post!

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  17. Wonderful news, Polly! Good luck with tomorrow's test, too. :)

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  18. Many Congratulations Polly and DH. I'm so totally thrilled for you guys!
    Here's to wishing you the very best for continued strong hCG and a healthy, happy gestation.

    Many Blessings,
    Anna

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  19. That is a beautiful beta! Huge congrats!

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  20. I am so freakin' excited for your sweet, growing family, Polly! What an absolutely perfect beta! I didn't scroll down to get the number so I was anxious through the whole post. What wonderful news. Praying for continued, strong, healthy betas. :)

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  21. I actually didn't scroll down...I'm not one of those that skips to the back of the book to read the ending. :) I was a little nervous, until I got to that beautiful number though!!

    Congratulations, girl! You have so many people praying for you and your baby.

    ((HUGS))

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  22. Wooo HOO!!!!! Step one: (BFP on HPT) check.
    Step two: nice beta: check.

    They really are miracle workers at CCRM aren't they?
    Here's to hoping for a nicely doubling Beta on monday...

    *hugs*!

    TODAY you're still pregnant!

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  23. Oh Polly! I am crying happy tears for you! Beta of 108 is pretty solid in my book! Looking forward to your second beta! Woo-hoo! Thank you God!!

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  24. two words for you: praise God! Kate

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  25. That's AWESOME!! Congrats! Praying for a sticky bean (or two)!!!

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  26. I'm a non-scroller, read all the way through! I know you greet ANY news with trepidation. This is good news, thank God, and I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings for you and Berilac. HUGS!

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  27. yay! what a beautiful number! can't wait to see what beta #2 brings.

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  28. Polly I am in tears. I didn't scroll to the bottom, I read through and was on the edge of my seat the whole time. So I am curious... did you tell anyone at the baby shower? I am absolutely over the moon happy for you. Wonderful beta number! Looking forward to hearing a huge strong beta #2. Is the beta today?

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  29. WONDERFUL news!!! Congrats! Great beta! Sending you great doubling vibes!!

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  30. CONGRATULATIONS!!! Sounds so very beautiful! I look forward to cheering you through this entire pregnancy!!

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