It has been hard to concentrate and hard to sleep. I am so used to disappointment that I'm having a hard time believing that a safe high AMH would be possible for me.
Ever since Wednesday afternoon when CCRM confirmed the AMH of 8.5 in every conversation with Berilac, I've been like ... "can you believe it's 8.5, I can't believe it's 8.5!!" (poor guy has to be sick of it). I am in utter disbelief as I've been dealing with a pretty difficult hand for a few years now, and things just seem to be so dark and painful. But this, this would be a miracle and it would be just too good to be true. And when something is too good to be true, it probably is ...
I ordered my shipping kit from CCRM, the kit should arrive tomorrow morning and the CCRM nurse ordered the blood draw. Yesterday, my local clinic reordered the AMH test for me as well. I am just about all set up for two draws on Monday ... sending blood from the same day to two different labs ... wondering how it's all going to turn out.
I would love for this to be real, to not really have DOR. Seriously, how would that be possible?
The thing Berliac keeps saying is that this diagnosis makes sense in a weird way.
1. My AFC and AMH were inconsistent
2. High FSH could be caused by something other than DOR.
3. When I use stimulation drugs I develop 20 follicles ... I have yet to meet another DOR patient who does that! Usually they develop 2-8.
4. When I was cycling in AZ over Christmas last year, I was being monitored by an "outside" doctor, one who didn't see my blood values and when they looked at my ovarian response to stimulation medications they said "well, this is typical for poly cystic ovarian tendencies like you have" ... and at that point I thought I had DOR and was very confused! (poly cystic means that you have too many eggs, not too few!)
5. Early this year I was tested for poly cystic ovarian tendencies because I exhibited that behavior! Turns out I don't have the typical symptoms, except having a lot of follicles on my ovaries during ultrasounds.
This is all so strange.
If I take the AMH re-do on Monday, I will likely get the CCRM results the following Monday, but I won't get the local lab results (which, by the way, is Quest) until the following Monday or later.
I can't believe I'm letting my mind go there ... thinking that premature menopause might not be my gig.
... yes people, I am still in awe and unfortunately doubt - only time will tell.