Monday, November 10, 2008

Another success story ... or so they thought

For the past 2 months I've been imbibing wheatgrass shots in an effort to help lower my FSH levels. You see, if your FSH levels are too high many RE's will not give you the time of day. Well, given that I was engaging one of the best clinics in the country (who have been known to cherry pick their clients) I knew I couldn't risk it ... so I started with the 1 ounce daily shooter about two months ago.

And let me be the first to tell you ... wheatgrass is among the most vile concoctions on Earth!

People shouldn't be eating grass, in liquid form or any other! ... and today I proved that.

Given that my last FSH blood draw was taken on 10/23, it's been awhile since I've had to drink my 1 ounce shot. And considering that today I had to do my AMH redo, I thought a little wheatgrass wouldn't hurt, heck it might help the results, so I thought I'd make up for lost time by taking a 2 ounce shot ... and I'm pretty sure that's where the torture began.

About 20 minutes after drinking the liquid (with nose obviously plugged and followed by an orange wedge chaser) my tummy didn't feel too good. I had left the juice bar and had made it as far as being just outside my fertility clinic building, CCRM shipping kit in hand, ready to get the blood draw for the AMH redo ... when I found myself looking for a bush, you know, in case I needed to hurl. Then I realized that behind those mirrored windows on the fertility clinic building are many desks, likely filled with many workers ... also known as an audience ... so I powered on into the fertility clinic's public restroom.

Can I just stop and take a moment to tell you how unfamiliar I make myself with public water closets? I spend as little time in there as possible. I even develop a case of the vacation constipation (you may have heard Dr. Oz talk about this) in order to avoid public restrooms at any cost. But I digress ...

After I locked myself as safely as I could into the large, handicap stall ... there I was face to face with the disgusting public toilet. Luckily there were no remnants of anyone else's adventures with the porcelain throne. I was holding my hair back and regretting that ever so small shot from 20 minutes prior. I remembered having a nausea experience when I first started my wheatgrass shots when I just stood in front of the toilet for a bit waiting for the it to subside (so this wasn't my first battle of wills with the evil green elixir). In the middle of trying to decide if this episode was worse than the first, right there and then, I quickly lost the battle and was vomiting in an unknown toilet. I'm not sure if it was the excessive saliva that was pouring out of my mouth or the fact that I was holding my own hair back or the constant flow of people going in and out of the bathroom that ruined my day. I think it had to have been the foot traffic because the whole time all I could think was not ... am I going to cause them to yak just by the sounds that I'm making? No, instead I was worried that they would leave the bathroom either:

  1. jealous that it was not them (thinking I was a newly pregnant patient and perhaps at that moment they had just finished an unsuccessful monitoring appointment) ... or
  2. a proud staff member recognizing yet another clinic success story ... because why would anyone be throwing up in a fertility clinic bathroom unless they were dealing with morning sickness from a favorable outcome?
"Ah, chalk one up to another success story" ... or so they thought. "Sorry ma'am seems as if my aim is off, may I wipe that off your shoe?"

Needless to say ... my chlorophyll chugging days are over.

44 comments:

  1. two-fisting wheatgrass shots will make anyone yak. Stay away from the double-shots!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The irony is too great... if I heard a woman vomiting in the stall I would also have assumed she was pg. If they only knew...

    Is this NOT the strangest life we've ever known???

    I'd write more, but I meed to go vomit now. Just the thought of a public bathroom makes me squeamish... You're a warrior! I raise my glass to you (and it's filled with red wine, not wheatgrass.)

    I always wondered about wheatgrass. Do you think it actually works? I've been thinking of making some dietary changes lately, but I'm so tired of torturing myself with diets, shots, workouts, etc., because nothing ever works.

    Carry on, friend!

    HUGS,
    E

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's amazing how we think, isn't it? I choose my clothes these days not based on what looks good, but, on what might not cause someone to even wonder if I'm pregnant. Hard to do when all they show are empire waists, but, it would kill me to know someone thought I might be when I so clearly am not.

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  4. Despite the fact that you were doubled over the nasty public toilet giving up all that wheatgrass has to offer, this is awesome. See, even when you don't intend to be, you are an inspiration to IFers everywhere. Will your selfless giving ever stop?

    What are you going to do for your next visit?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ohhh Polly, step away from the wheatgrass, hope you are feeling better.

    Yup, I would have assumed you were newly pregnant too and been oh so jealous. Crazy how our minds assume.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have a t-shirt that says "Wheat Grass Tastes Funny". Every time I wear it now I will think of this post!

    Sorry, I know how horrible it is to be puking in a public place. Completely sucks.

    ReplyDelete
  7. ewwwwwwww. that sounds horrible you poor thing. barf-orama

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  8. Oh Polly!!! You poor thing!!! Very few things are worse than a) having to puke or b) having to puke in a public restroom. Ugh ugh ugh.

    Fingers crossed for a definitive answer to the AMH this time around!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Poor girl! I hope you are feeling better. Do you think the wheatgrass really worked?

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  10. I've been pondering the whole theory behind wheatgrass lately and after reading your post, I think I will definitely skip it. My pocketbook and stomach will most certainly thank me. I hope you're feeling better!

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  11. Eew, I am so sorry you had to endure that! Throwing up is bad enough -- doing it in a public restroom is a very lonely and miserable time. May that be your last vomit that isn't caused by morning sickness. ((hugs))

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  12. Oh, how horrible! I couldn't stomach the wheatgrass myself! I hope your AMH comes back great!

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  13. Ohhhhh, that had to be unpleasant!

    (Will you feel like hurling if I tell you that I *like* the taste of wheatgrass and have actually enjoyed a few 3-ouncers? Yes? Then I won't tell you that.)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well there are lots of other fertility foods besides wheatgrass! So hopefully you can substitute and still stay on track. Sorry you had a rough day!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh, Polly, that sounds awful. I thought about trying this after you told me about it, but I just couldn't get past the thought. I kept thinking, "But my dogs eat grass to make themselves sick...." (;

    I'm giving the DHEA stuff a try, but am horrified of what it will do. Desperation has set in I think.

    You are too sweet to think of other IF women. I admit that I would have thought the same thing.

    I hope your next bout with a queasy tummy is because you are pregnant. (; No more double fistin’ it, okay?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Eww. wheatgrass..the things that we put ourselves through. I had to giggle at what Brenda said: But my dogs eat grass to make themselves sick! that is exactly what my furry baby does too! :)

    I hope u're feeling better. And if you don't, maybe I'll make you a virtual drink to make you feel better?

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