Saturday, December 6, 2008

Putting my heart on the line

The AMH results came back from both the California clinic and CCRM, the results are consistent with a high follicular count and NOT early menopause.

I.am.floored.

I mean, for 2 and a half years, I've been coping with this struggle and for the past year and half I've been trying to cope with the ever growing diagnosis of early menopause. And now, now we are being told we are not in early menopause; that there may be explainable reasons for the "proof" we found previously that pointed towards early menopause - who wouldn't be astounded?

So we're laying it all out on the line. We paid for 3 retrievals with our current clinic and instead of making good on the third retrieval (or heading out to CCRM for a closure cycle) we will be attempting pregnancy next month.

I started my protocol on Wednesday, and it's inches away from being confirmed that the actual date of thaw/fertilization (conception!!) will be Wednesday January 7th, we are aiming for a 5 day transfer on January 12th, and we are STOKED!!

So we are trying to ignore the fear of historically poor test results, poor egg retrieval results, and the loss of 4 babies and instead focusing on the hope that God is in control, that we have two "normal" oocytes, and the fact that in the past - we have gotten pregnant easily ... so this time maybe we won't miscarry?

We are choosing the risky and courageous route, instead of the easy and safe route ... it would be so much easier to just keep doing egg retrievals ... when we don't actually attempt to fertilize eggs and transfer embryos, we protect ourselves from the procedure not working or even another loss. I'm so afraid of taking the next step, only to be let down again. But I must face this fear if I want children ... I can only claim God's strength to face this giant.

We are 31 days away from thaw and 36 days away from transfer ... and hopefully, we are 45 days away from a positive pregnancy test that results in a healthy, take home baby come the end of September.

My prayer requests will be coming soon ...

22 comments:

  1. Well, all the very best to you. Prayers and Blessings!

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  2. That's just awesome news!

    Keep those prayers coming. I'm praying them for you!!!

    (((((hugs))))

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  3. That is such great news! Knowing this new informatio , you can stop the urgency for more retrievals and just Go for the transfer. I think it is a wise decision. I will be praying hard for you.

    Jill (canada)

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  4. With great risk comes great reward. I hope your reward this time is a BFP and a healthy baby. I'll you, DH, and your frosties in my thoughts.

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  5. Now that is some great news. I love your 45 day plan. :-)

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  6. That is great news, Polly!! I'm sure it took a bit for it to really sink in after the past couple years.

    I am excited that you are getting started now!! Keeping you, Berilac, and your 2 perfect eggs in my thoughts and prayers.

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  7. That is SO exciting Polly! Especially after thinking you were heading into ealy menopause. I'm praying and hoping that everything will go perfectly this time, and that you will finally be blessed with your miracle.

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  8. Polly, those results are so awesome! I'm so happy for you!! Praying this next cycle will be your sticky BFP!

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  9. Holy cow! That is such great news! I wasn't reading your blog way back when you got the DOR diagnosis, but I just don't understand how they could be so wrong about it. In any case, I'm so happy that the tables have turned for you and so excited that you will try to get pregnant next month! I can't wait to follow along.

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  10. Awesome news! No prayer request needed - you'r already on my list!!

    xoxo

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  11. The switcherooni on your dx IS a stunner, and I'm sick for you that you've been down such a long, seemingly improperly dx'd road. The new thinking, though, makes a LOT of sense from this distance and I'm just so excited that you are 45 days from the sweet news you've been working toward.

    Continued prayers coming your way!

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  12. Wow, that is absolutely amazing!! May this be the beginning of only the best things for you!! See, I'm sending prayers even before your request for them!

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  13. That's wonderful news! I'm so happy for you! It's great that you now have a date to look forward to. Praying for you!

    p.s thanks for your sweet comment :-)

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  14. You have been and continue to be in my prayers, and I sincerly hope that your dream comes true!

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  15. Holy Crap!!! Talk about mind bending, huh? SO glad you have your two frosties you can use!!!

    GOOD LUCK!!!

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  16. OH MY GOODNESS! Polly, I'm so excited for you. What amazing news. I can't wait to see some positive news in the next 45 days. Those little eggs are going to make a baby... I just know it. XO

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  17. Congrats on the AMH numbers! With the healthy oocytes waiting, hopefully you will have some great news to share in January.

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  18. OR healthy take home babieSSSS in September! Just to cover the bases, prepare yourself for the possibility and blessing of twins, my friend!

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  19. Great news. Keeping you in my thoughts.

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  20. Hi Polly,

    I wish you the best as you start your cycle tomorrow! May the peace that passes all understand guard you and Berilac's hearts and minds as you go through this closure cycle.

    Keeping you in prayer...

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  21. I was looking for this update (Mr. Polly never returned my call...). While it's awful that you had the wrong diagnosis, at least you now have confirmation of where you stand. One more question answered can't hurt. You'll remain in our prayers!!
    -chris

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