Back fat

... now is that one word or two?

Back fat ... seriously, a majorly dreaded female reality ... unless of course you're really thin.

Now, I myself am on the border between thin and normal, but these days, I know back fat.

When I got pregnant the first time, I was at my all time high in terms of weight. That was the pregnancy that lasted the longest - so maybe there's something to be said for that. In April my company had a health faire where they measured (among other things) your percentage of body fat ... and the guy told me I was on the border between thin and normal and I could stand to gain a few pounds. A couple of egg retrievals later and I'm no longer on the border of being too thin - heck no, not with the back fat I'm sporting!!

Since April, I know that I had been gaining weight, the scale doesn't lie. And I know that IVF cycles will essentially shove your body into early menopause (thus bringing your metabolism to a shrieking halt!) but it has been awhile (well before the holidays) that I braved a scale ... so I wasn't entirely sure how much I'd gained.

But the other day, when I was slothfully laying around in my pj's, during my ample time off from work, I rolled over on the couch and noticed that something was still lodged underneath me, and that something ... was ME! In the form of a roll of my back fat.

It was frightening.

Since then I've been checking the neck roll. You see, last time I was heavier (really, I'm not heavy, I'm just heavier than I'm used to being) I earned this roll at the back of my neck, when I would tilt my head back in the shower to wash or rinse my hair, I would feel a roll on my neck, that, when properly manuvered would pop!! And turn from being a roll high up on my neck - to one lower down. If this doesn't make any sense to you ... then thank your lucky stars! And just forget I mentioned it ... if it does, know that I've been on the prowl for the neck roll for awhile now too.

And with the holidays and lots of yummy foods, combined with weeks of birth control pills, delestrogen IM's, lupron shots and specific instructions NOT to diet while on this cycle ... combined with TWO WEEKS off of work and minimal amount of effort to get off the couch (ok, except to rent more movies) ... I was so afraid to head to the gym this morning and get on that scale.

But the back fat under my all too tight bra inspired me.

I was surprised to see that I'm not even close to my all time weight high ... and instead I haven't gained but 1 pound since October ... a Christmas miracle ... but I am still a bit afraid of turning around in the mirror or adjusting my too tight bra (for fear I feel the roll with my own two fingers - heck, I'd rather live in denial!) and so I pray that this transfer works and I can just glide into "gaining weight for the baby" without having to worry about needing to get a new bra because of my fat from lack of bodily care, rather than pregnancy ... otherwise, you can bet I'm jumping back into my old workout and diet routine to drop 10 lbs quick style if this cycle fails. If I can't be successfully pregnant, at least I'll be hot.

Yes, it's good to know where my priorities lie.